how to earn (or lose) 80 bucks worth of gas

You shouldn’t be reading this if you are not a businessman. First, you will never earn money by virtue of your good ol’ hard work. Second, you will most likely lose money by virtue of your dumb employees. So here’s a caveat: Beware the employees you hire. If you don’t watch out, they’re gonna drive your business down the smelly drain.

The scenario goes like this. Joe drives to the gas station and parks at a pump. He walks inside the store and gives the cashier 80 dollars worth of gas.

Joe: Here’s 80 dollars for gas in that pump over there.
Cashier: Which one?
Joe: The one where the blue car is parked.
Cashier: So what pump is that?
Joe: I don’t really know.
Cashier: So go and find out what pump that is.
Joe: (miffed and stupefied) Gimme that 80 dollars back dumbass!

Joe drives down to the next gas station where gas is 5 cents cheaper, and the cashier wasn’t as friggin’ rude.

Moral of the story?

Gas is expensive these days.

the book of general ignorance

The Book of General Ignorance said that the female mosquito is the most dangerous animal that ever lived. If this was the case, then I would have died 20 years ago.

The Book of General Ignorance also said that the dishwasher was invented by a woman who owned a huge collection of china and other precious dishes. Such a woman didn’t want her porcelain pieces broken by the maids, so she devised her own blueprint of a modern dishwasher. With the help of an engineer she was able to come up with a machine that prevented dish breakage by human handling. This prototype evolved throughout the years, giving the modern American household the machine that’s causing it a lot more trouble than it needed. Not just to pay the bills, but the fact that the dishwasher is extremely unnecessary in the kitchen. In other parts of the world, people simply wash their dishes, rinse and wipe them — period.

We were at Books-a-Million yesterday when this little myth-busting hardbound (Book of General Ignorance) caught my eye. At 20 bucks, I suggest you should bring it home, if you don’t have the time to read the entire book in the store. (Which I sometimes do, the cheat!) So many of us think we know so much, which makes us appear even more dumb.

“He who knows what he does not know is the wisest.” -Confucius

Ugh. Now I miss my childhood days.

galveston: the old and new

Spending Spring Break in Galveston is a mix of both the old, the new, the thrilling, and the boring. Because we stayed at Joe’s parents during that time, half of the time we had to spend time together with family. Unfortunately it meant feeling like high school kids again for both me and Joe. We were able to go out and travel on our own during the day, but (I guess) we had curfew at night. That’s something we felt need not be said out loud, but felt responsible for. Staying at home at night. With parents. Yes.

(What the hell are you talking about? As far as Joe and I are concerned, it’s party time!)

The day strolls included visiting the Old Galveston Square, a secret gem hidden amidst the residential and commercial area of Galveston. It reminds me of Intramuros, except that the horses in mini-caravans look fatter. This is the place to get quaint souvenirs if you’re visiting Galveston for the first time. We meandered among the liquor stores and chocolate shops. We watched people (one of our favorite hobbies) and took shots like regular tourists (yuck!). Joe even got himsef a shirt on sale at Van Heusen.

The next day we waded through the San Luis Resort Pool until late afternoon. Come dusk, when the whole family sat down for a spicy crawfish and corn dinner, the “party” for the high school kids has just begun.

moody gardens and the abominated catfish

Not a lot of my friends know this, but I’m not a big fan of sea animals. Sure I like eating fish better than pork or chicken, but that doesn’t mean I like swimming around them sharks and dolphins (even if their teeth have been pulled out for my safety). Now because of this little fear that I share with a lot of people, the larger-than-life-aquariums have been invented. So now I can walk my way through big, slimy fishes inside enormous tanks without getting a heart attack. And walk through is what we did on our Spring Break visit to the Moody Gardens in Galveston.

Amazingly, the only fish that caught our attention is this catfish which is thrice as big as a real cat. The catfish is real ugly, with its whiskers swaying like weeds in the water. Worst of all, that’s a fish Joe would never eat. Okay. Even though I said I didn’t like sea animals floating around me, the catfish won my sympathy this time. I ate one at Papadeaux, and it tasted fine.

30 pinball machines and counting!

Anyone like vintage games? Or cars, for that matter? If you’re an old time gamer there’s no doubt you would recognize the curious machines standing upright behind my uber-cool car. Joe and I were in a big pinball machine warehouse in Oklahoma back in April. The warehouse is owned by another pinball game collector who probably had no time to rebuild the old games and decided to sell them to Joe for a fair price.

He rented a colossal U-Haul truck which carried more or less 30 whole machines back to Texas. The funny part is although I’ve never been in a road trip riding a truck as big as the one we drove, I actually liked that big ol’ U-Haul. You’re high up there while everyone else is driving a smaller (and much lighter) car than yours. You feel like the king of the road.

I gotta admit though that the truck doesn’t smell as good as our Corvette or any personal car. And wait till we get into a little trouble on our way home from Vegas. This time, we’re gonna ride the real macho man of the road: the tow truck!